Rose isn't here
by Rahne4227
Summary: Amethyst has just confessed to liking Pearl and that should be a good ending, but it's just a beginning. Short character piece inspired by and taking place directly after a fancomic by Amber Rogers. T for theme, not explicit.


(Inspired by and occurring just after this amazing fan comic by Amber Rogers: post/74008096386/this-is-the-most-sincere-comic-i-have-ever-drawn)

 **I'm not Rose**

(Amethyst)

"Do… you want me to kiss you?"

"Yeah, Captain Oblivious." I thought I'd been pretty clear, so I couldn't help teasing a little.

And just like that we were locked together. I'd meant to rein it in, because hello, she's Pearl, but once I had my arms around her there was too much. She's taller than me so it was a stretch at first, but when I got us down to the floor it got way better. I could hardly believe it, she was kissing me back, and holding me. I wanted so much more of her, all at once, but there was something wrong, something wet on my face, her face…

I pulled back and saw she was crying, and not just in her Pearl-drama way, like seriously, and she couldn't look at me. I got a little panicky. "Hey, what's wrong? Shouldn't I-"

She squeezed her eyes shut as if she could turn off the waterworks but it didn't help. "No, no- I just… I'm… I don't know-" Pearl swiped at her cheek with the heel of her palm but the shiny stream grew right back.

As fast as it had gotten good, this whole thing had got awful. I felt sick like that time I ate the burrito but I played it off like I was relaxed, hands behind my head. "Hey, P, it's cool. You know, all good, in the hood," was the best I could come up with and I had to turn my back to make it even a little convincing. "I was just-"

"Amethyst, please don't take it back!"

I looked over my shoulder at her, shocked. Pearl was still kneeling on the ground, hands twisting together in her lap, tears still flowing. With a jerk of her head, she made herself start talking again.

"I… couldn't bear it, if you said it was a joke, or that you didn't mean it. Even if it's true, please don't take it back… not yet." She looked me in the eye and my heart thumped hard at how scared she looked.

"Pearl…" I stepped towards her but stopped when she shook her head violently.

"I need some time, Amethyst, can I have a little time to think, to...?" She clenched her fist over her heart, desperation in her voice as she trailed off.

"Yeah, take all the time you need," I said in a hurry, "I'm not going anywhere, really!" Desperate myself, I had to make a joke so I waved around at the piles of junk in my room. "All my stuff is here, y'know?"

Shockingly a bubble of laughter made it through her tears and my heart thumped again. Pearl stood up and fidgeted with her sash for a moment. I got a tiny, super sad try at a smile from her and then she was off, running fast for the tunnel that lead to the center of the temple.

I sniffled and wiped my own face once she was gone. I knew what was wrong, duh. Too bad there was nothing I could do about it. "Take your time, but some things can't change, like me- I'm not Rose." I wrecked a few piles of junk that night. Didn't help. Tried to forget I'd said anything at all, pretend we hadn't come so close… didn't work.

(Pearl)

I ran away. Of course I ran away, I always do. Amethyst's confession played over and over again, there was the kiss, then… I ran harder. I got to my room somehow, but the waterfalls weren't loud enough. I opened the door into Steven's room, ran onto the warp pad and activated it.

When I landed I flinched; somehow I'd chosen the strawberry battlefield. Rose was everywhere in this place. "No, this isn't right!" I yelled, "I want to go somewhere else!" The pad flashed again and I was in the desert that Lion had come from. Lion, who held Rose's secrets… "No, no! Not here either!" Everywhere I tried had thousands of years of Rose walking or fighting or laughing, and I couldn't stand it.

The last place was the sky arena. "Oh, not here," I begged no one, "please…" but I didn't have the energy to warp myself away. After a while, though, I dragged myself to my feet. I went up the steps and down into the arena properly. Numb, I sat on the bottom tier of stone seats, watching the ghosts swirl around me. Rose Quartz breaking the pink diamond symbol, declaring her defiance of homeworld's plan for Earth. There were the human knights who fought so hard for their leaders and their people, against gem champions who toyed cruelly with them before ending their lives. Mere humans braving impossible odds… it had been an inspiration to many gems like me, and ignited the war for independence and freedom that lasted a thousand years, and ended with only the three of us as survivors. Three of us…

I shook myself and stood. There was one place I hadn't tried. The warp pad took me to the Kindergarten. Rose was here too, but so was Amethyst. The day we found her, filthy and wild, all alone for who knew how long… how frightened Amethyst had been at first, then the look of joy on her face when Rose made her understand that she didn't have to be alone anymore… Teaching her to be one of us, a Crystal Gem, and learning about the sort of gem she could be, and how much more complete the temple had felt with her there. Later, when Amethyst showed Steven where she'd come from and I learned how she really felt about herself. We'd fought, yes, and I was the one who hurt her so much, but she forgave me.

In all, it took me three days to pull myself together enough to go home. When I made it back to the temple I was even able to smile at Steven, who always gets so worried when I go off on my own. I told him I'd needed time to think and he accepted that, and why not? It was true. For the first time in a long time, though, I didn't see Rose looking out of him. Living with my older memories for a time had reminded me of some things that I'd hidden from myself in recent years.

I excused myself to my room to meditate. I had thought I should center myself before what came next, but it just didn't work. I gathered myself and went down to Amethyst's room.

She was not far from where we'd talked the last time. When she heard me call to her, she emerged from the stacks, trying to look casual. "Sup, P? Have a nice vacation?" The fake boredom didn't conceal her nervousness very well.

I'd run out of tears yesterday, so I was seeing more clearly than before. "Amethyst," I said, and I watched a tremor run through her. "Please be honest- do you want to take it back? I'll be okay if you do, I promise."

Amethyst dropped her arms to her sides and looked away, a purple blush unmistakeable. "No, I don't want to take it back. I meant it, and I still do. I know I'm not Rose, but-"

"Rose was never really mine," I said it with only a little bitterness. "I belonged to her, that was all."

"That's not true! She loved you, we all saw it!" Amethyst clamped a hand to her mouth, wondering which side she was on in this.

I shook my head. "I don't want to argue about that. She never ran out of love to give to everyone, and I was always glad to have my share, but we were never together like I thought we were. I've been fooling myself for a long time." I shook my head, refusing to choke up. "It's true, you're not Rose…"

Amethyst's shoulders slumped at that, but I wasn't done.

"...You are Amethyst, and you are loud, and infuriating, and brave, and beautiful."

She looked at me, eyes wide and a little hopeful at last.

(Together)

Pearl bent to kiss Amethyst and it was even sweeter than the first time. Again Amethyst let her control lapse, but Pearl matched her intensity. Gems loving each other without fusion was not quite like the human method, but it had its similarities. In the moment it was impossible for Pearl to avoid comparisons, but she remembered how Rose had truly been with more clarity. Rose Quartz was always aware of how much more powerful she was, and it made her a careful, reserved lover. Amethyst was bolder, as if she trusted that Pearl wouldn't break apart. Pearl was pleased to learn that it was true, and that she liked feeling that she was strong enough, and liked that she was able to do the same for Amethyst.


End file.
